“Watch where you’re going,” I yelled to my husband after he bumped his head getting 2×4’s out of the barn.
“How come, if I get hurt, I get yelled at?” He wanted to know.
“I don’t know,” I said, a little dumb-founded myself. And then I thought of something I had heard years before – “All of our responses or reactions either come from a place of love or a place of fear.” A bit too simplistic and a little stupid, is what I thought of this at the time. Although I was interested enough to think about it from time to time.
And at that very moment, while searching my brain for why I was behaving as if I was mad at Dave, I realized that the loving thing to say would be, “Are you okay?” To chide him about bumping his head, which was what I did, is a reaction out of fear. “Oh my gosh,” I said to my husband, “I’m so sorry, and thank you, honey, I think I get it now!”
I shared with him my epiphany and was glad to see that he got it right away. Together, we marveled in the simplicity of it. We have since learned how to successfully point out (in love, of course) when the other is reacting in fear and be helpful in redirecting the reaction to respond in love. This awareness has totally changed our lives and relationships with others, for which I am extremely grateful.
Most people who know me, know that for the past decade I have been a steady student of various thought leaders, and of all the great stuff I have gleaned, this is my favorite. This change of thinking has by far, for me, been the most life-changing. Several times a day I see how an interaction with another would have ended in me getting mad about something, somehow, had I dealt with it the way I used to. I write of these interactions to help me remember. I share what I write in case it could help another.